Self Development

The scarcity mindset and why it’s time to ditch it

Not long ago I was reintroduced to the idea of scarcity as a mindset, which I believe, runs rampant in our world.

Scarcity by definition is a shortness of supply:  A lack; an insufficiency of amount. So, a scarcity mindset is seeing the world around you as inherently lacking. Never enough. This could come in many forms; money, love, friendships, joy, opportunity…you get it.

Here’s the thing about me, I don’t want to limit my life by keeping my perceptions of the world around me small – and that is exactly what the scarcity mindset does. It limits you. It makes you believe that there is not enough to go around. If you are constantly in the mindset that there is not enough [fill in the blank], you are going to find the evidence to back that up. Every time.

It’s self-fulfilling prophecy in all it’s glory.

Leading me to pronounce…the scarcity mentality needs to take a hike. Of the forever variety.

My recent journey with scarcity

A while back, I was thinking about all the things I want to do in my life; travel the world, buy a house, eat a lot of good food, have a kid, buy lotsa shoes, yaddy yaddy yada. A second later I was thinking about how much I hate money, how I don’t know how I will ever get out of debt, how I pray I don’t break the teeth out of my face because I don’t have insurance. Jump ahead a hot second and I was thinking how I make pretty decent money at the pub that employs me…making, *pretend I am saying this under my breath, barely audibly*…less than 2,000 bucks a month. (News Flash: That is not a great living.)

Jeepers effing creepers.

There is a whole lotta inconsistency there, and there is definitely a powerful mindset of lack. I found that I was riddled with it. Sure, I have dreams (dreams that *ahem* require cash) but I realized that if I was going to achieve any of them I needed a system reboot. I needed to get into this complex little (big?) head of mine and undo this notion that money is the root of all my problems and by golly, I needed to realize that I deserve to be making more than said above number per month. In short, I needed to stop limiting my expectations by thinking so small. How would I ever find myself in a better financial space if I believed that where I was at was all I could ever get?

Undoing old thought patterns

Okay. So just stop thinking in terms of scarcity, right? Well, old habits die hard and our ingrained thought patterns are no different. To stop perpetual thoughts of lack you need to be intentional, patient and consistent. But first….

Understanding the Abundance mindset

Abundance, as you may well know, is the opposite of scarcity. It’s bountiful. Plenty to go around. More than enough. A lot :). Stephen Covey the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, has this to say about it:

The Abundance Mentality flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity.

Can you dig it?

• It has the power to open up possibilities, options, alternatives, and creativity because you allow yourself to be open. You aren’t committing yourself to the limited scope of believing there is a limited supply of money, love, joy, opportunities, time, etc. Changing your thoughts to those of abundance gives you the ability to see with a wider lens.
• “It flows from a sense of personal worth.” Do you believe you are worthy of abundance? If not, this is something to address. If you don’t believe you are worthy, you aren’t going to be open to receive.
• Thinking in terms of abundance is also just more fun.

I can dig it.

Back to giving the scarcity mentality the old heave-ho

First things first. Awareness.

Where do you find yourself thinking in terms of lack?

Thoughts like:

• I never have enough time.
• My bills keep piling up, I will never get ahead.
• There are no jobs out there for someone like me.
• All the good men are taken.
• I will never find happiness.
• I am not worthy.

Do you find yourself being envious of others when they find success, be it in love, money, what have you?

Are you unable to be genuinely happy for them?

Draw your awareness to these thoughts and feelings without being a judgmental a**hole. They are indicative of operating with the mindset of scarcity. Once you are aware of these thoughts you can be intentional about replacing them with more productive, more you worthy thoughts.

Makes sense, yes? Can’t fix a problem if you aren’t aware of it.

Stop feeding the monster.

Stop the incessant negative babble…even, no especially, when talking to yourself…you know you do it! Once you see yourself going down that path, gently remind yourself to halt! Back that thought train up. Feeding the scarcity mentality just creates more of the scarcity mentality, and if you’ve been paying any attention at all, that is exactly what we are trying to reverse.

No más comparing yourself to others.

Just. Stop. Women tend to be terrible about this. What other people are doing is of no concern to you, it shouldn’t affect your journey at all. The success of others in building their dream life doesn’t mean there is less of that life for you. There is plenty of pie to go around. Get yo’self some!

Be grateful. 

Acknowledging the good you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance. -Eckhart Tolle

Be grateful for what you have, everyday. When you find yourself gettin’ sour about what you don’t have, stop and give thanks for what you do have instead. Train yourself. I’m willing to bet you have a whole heck of a lot to be grateful for. Choose to highlight those things. If you are looking for something to complain about, you will always find it, but the inverse is also true. If you are looking for things to be grateful for, you will find them, always. Abundance blooms in that space. Allow yourself to experience the abundance in your life right now.

It already exists.

This one is really fun for me and dramatically changed my perspective. It’s the idea that what you desire already exists, like, right meow. More money, better opportunities, love? They exist. You are not trying to creat abundance out of thin air, it is already here, you just haven’t been able to see it because you have been limiting your view by living inside the mindset of scarcity. Gratitude and believing that what you want in this life exists and that you deserve is the bread and butter of the abundance mindset. Grab hold.

Expect resistance.

If you have been living your whole life looking through the thoroughly unfashionable goggles of lack, then you are going to meet some resistance with putting on the fancier, shinier, more badass goggles of abundance.  You are going to have to reroute your grey matter, literally. Your brain wants to be efficient, it has a lot to do, so it puts things on autopilot. Chances are, your mindset of scarcity is an automatic process, like breathing. The automated processes will be dominant, but with time and mindfulness your brain will create new neural pathways, or new habits. Redirect your thoughts of “not enough” to those of gratitude and “enough.” After awhile, those new, more positive thoughts will be your go-to.

Awww, brain, you’re so cool.

Flip the script, yo.

A helpful tool I have found is writing down your new script of abundance. A mantra, if you will. Don’t worry about it sounding silly or fraudulent, no one else needs to see it. Get in the habit of repeating it to yourself on the reg. It will start worming it’s way down into your subconscious and become a new truth for you. You will begin to see the world around you expand with abundance.

It can be as simple as:

“[Fill in the blank] exists for me, I am worthy of it.”

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Erryday.

Practice makes perfect.  Commit to the process. Watch your world change.

Vulnerability …(shudder)

The word itself brings to mind nails on a chalkboard, it’s rife with discomfort. It’s cringeworthy.

I will take my dreams, the love of my life, all that this life has to offer, but hold the vulnerability please.

We’ll just file that ideology under “quickest ways to stay stagnant in life.”

As icky as the notion of being vulnerable is, the act of it contains a mountain of power.

I love this quote by Brené Brown. (if you don’t know who she is, I highly recommend investigating her work.)

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brené Brown

Yowzers. PoundsignPowerPacked! Everything within that quote hits me so deeply. It’s everything I want, and if vulnerability is the vehicle, I want to be riding shotgun.

Locking vulnerability away in the basement is equivalent to locking yourself in the basement. Growth, freedom and authenticity, simply cannot happen without it.

(Huge bummer, because ask anyone and they will say vulnerability is a real suckfest.)

Why do we want to run for the hills at the mention of vulnerability?

Because, it’s scary as fook, folks.

I talked to a handful of my friends and asked them what vulnerability is to them, these were some of their responses:

Vulnerability is…

• …admitting failure.
• …trying something totally new and foreign to you.
• …initiating sex with your husband.
• …sharing your dreams with loved ones.
• …losing your libido.
• …acknowledging that you aren’t happy with your career.
• …sharing your art.
• …not knowing anyone at a party.
• …putting yourself out there.
• …trying to make friends in your 30’s.
• …being a mom.
• …constantly comparing yourself to other women and never feeling up to snuff.

I’m sure this list can go on and on. Just reading it probably brings you a little discomfort. We all relate with what it feels like to make ourselves vulnerable, but we still go to great lengths in convincing ourselves that we are the only ones living on the Isla de Vulnerable.

There is power and healing in sharing our vulnerabilities

During this conversation with my friends I noticed something; the more we shared our vulnerabilities the less scary they became. I saw a common thread between all of us, which was:

None of us have all our shit together.

Let me repeat that profound truth ladies. None of us have all our shit together.

I was also reaffirmed in how much love there is around us. Within this conversation, there was no judgement, or ridicule and our understanding of each other grew. We are closer now because of that conversation. Am I saying to post your deepest insecurities on Facebook? Absolutely not. In fact, please don’t do that. That is like a handwritten invitation to all those wicked little trolls out there.

I don’t want you to exploit your vulnerabilities but I do want you to start practicing airing them out a little bit. They won’t go away just by saying them out loud, but a little bit of their power will be stripped when you realize you are not alone. We all know what it is like to feel vulnerable. Hiding behind our carefully crafted masks is not the answer.

Pro Tip: Sharing our vulnerabilities requires intentionality and it demands our discretion. There is this weird little balancing act between doing your soul good and doing it harm.

I truly don’t want the censored version of my friends and family. I want to see the real person, otherwise, what am I really looking at? Make believe? And, as scary as it is, I want people to see the real me too, not some suped up rendition, or worse yet, a smaller version of me.

What about you? Do you want the world to see your limited self, or do you want to blow our collective socks off with how unique and utterly badass you are?

Another dose of wisdom, brought you by Brené Brown:

“Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

GAH!! I love that. The courage to show up and be seen! You are the only you! Let the world see an honest view of who that is, flaws and all. There is brilliance there.

We live in a society that often equates vulnerability with weakness when nothing can be further from the truth. True vulnerability is an act so courageous one should always feel mighty when deploying it…mighty and humbled. A truly odd couple.

The harm of not allowing vulnerability to squeak past our armor

I’m going to tell it to you straight here; the world deserves to see you. More than that, you deserve to be seen. Hand to god, there is nothing more beautiful than an honest reflection of your humanness.  If you are on the path to self-discovery; finding deep happiness, freedom, authenticity, grabbing hold of your dreams, (and I hope you are!) than vulnerability is a necessity. It’s not negotiable. I want you to trust this process. You let go a little, allow yourself to be known, and you will be rewarded. (The people around you will too.) Step out on that limb and be seen!

“Vulnerability is the only authentic state. Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset. Be vulnerable: quake and shake in your boots with it.” -Stephen Russell, Barefoot Doctor’s Guide to the Tao: A Spiritual Guide for the Urban Warrior

Let that sink in; vulnerability is your greatest asset. To be vulnerable is the great act of owning who you are. Without it, you are selling yourself short. Acknowledging where you are vulnerable and moving through those vulnerabilities can only take you closer to living your best life.

Without vulnerability your dreams will forever be just out of reach. You may feel like you are protecting yourself, but in reality, you are only doing yourself harm.

Get out there and let us see who you really are.

You are a treasure trove of awesomeness. Believe that. This is your one shot at life, don’t waste it locked up in a prison of your own making.

Please and thank you.

Remember: Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is not weakness, it means you are a MIGHTY PLUCKY BROAD!!

Training for a focused mind in a world full of distr…SQUIRREL!!!

LAWD. HAVE. MERCY!

I am having a heck of a time staying focused lately. Even writing that sentence was met with two different distractions bombs, one being the ever thrilling gaze aimlessly out the window, “oh, a Squirrel! What’s he up to? ” (Proceed to spend the next 10 minutes following said squirrel’s progress. It was titillating.) Needless to say, it’s driving me BANANAS! I need and want to be more productive than I’m being but am on the big time struggle bus.

Can you relate? Do you have a project or a goal that is super important to you but are finding it hard to stay motivated and focused on it? I think we have ALL experienced this. Like, a lot. Yes?

So, what can you do to regain that pinpoint focus? How can you navigate through all the distractions around you and get back to the hustle?

I’ve come up with this list of everyday habits you can cultivate to help sharpen your focus. Keywords being habits and cultivation. Working towards small, intentional tweaks in the way we approach our day. Take a looksie.

Make positive connections

Listen, connecting with people who can offer you a little guidance in your pursuits can be hugely impactful; whether you spend money and hire yourself a coach, or talk to a trusted friend that has some success in the thing you are pursuing.  Don’t be afraid to seek help – there is no need to go it alone, folks.

In the town I live in there is a group of entrepreneurial women who meet up once a week to discuss their projects, brainstorm, encourage, and offer helpful advice. It’s wonderful and has the ability to increase that super focused productivity you desire. Check out your local MeetUp.com for tailored to you groups.

You can bet that someone, many someones, in fact, have been where you are at right now. If nothing else, it’s encouraging to talk to someone who “gets it.”

Keep negativity out!

On the other side of the token, don’t connect with people that always have something negative to say about what you are up to. Honestly. Screw them…kindly. They might be some of your closest friends or even your relatives. Not everyone is going to understand or be supportive of your dreams and aspirations. That’s life, but they don’t need to be in the loop on what you’re up to. Those rights have been revoked!  Those people can really bum you out and maybe even get you questioning your own path, causing your focus to evaporate completely. Ridiculous. Don’t give anyone the power to poo on your dreams.

Protect your dreams

As much as I love my mom, I don’t share my passion projects with her while they are in their infancy anymore. It’s not even because she discourages me, she just shows an acute lack of interest that crushes my soul a little. So, she is now “out of the loop.” I’ve learned that it does more harm than good to share with her. In fact, I only talk to a few people that I trust with my vulnerability completely. My husband being my numero uno ear. Thank you Match.com. 🙂

Meditate

Okay. I am finding that I always come back to this. Meditate my peeps. Practice quiet mindfulness. When I stray from a meditation practice, I really start to notice it. I think meditation works like HIIT (high intensity interval training), it continues to produce results well after the practice.

The other day I was meditating while watching a candle burn. The tip of the wick was a burning ember, a super focused spot, while the heat from the flame melted and expanded the wax away from the wick – because, hello, that’s how a candle works. I believe that’s how meditation works. It helps you to find focus while simultaneously expanding your mind, unlocking your creativity and potential long after you are done practicing.

Powerful stuff, but totally simple and easy to do…especially with practice. Truly, start with a mere 5 minutes a day.

New to meditating?  Check out my meditation for beginners post.

Exercise

Ugh. I know, exercise is the worst, but it’s a necessary evil I’m afraid.  A couple of months ago I had a terrible case of sciatica, could barely move for a week. Not kidding. I had been doing nothing but working on my blog and my body finally revolted. As such, I was unable to work towards my goals and basically unable to do anything at all. It sucked. Hard.  I am willing to bet real cash money that not having an exercise routine in place was the cause of this rebellion.

It’s just not good to be sedentary. But it’s not just about getting a bangin’ beach bod ever :), according to Dr. Karen Postal PhD, exercise is the most effective way to improve memory and attention. Woah! Sprinkle some sweat inducing exercise into your life and you will kick some ass.  True story.

I began incorporating 10-20 minute HIIT routines into my days. I just choose from the millions of options on YouTube. On top of that, I choose to walk or ride my bike to work instead of driving. Just making decisions to activate your muscles is step in the right direction. Get it?

I’m also very aware of that ever present “I don’t wanna” mentality that creeps in whenever exercising is on the table, and so these smaller commitments to work up a sweat are super appealing to me. I can do anything for 10-20 minutes. You catch my drift?

Exercise is good for body and mind.

Bottoms up

Drink yo’ water. Stay away from the all-day coffee binges. Caffeine can cause the mind jitters. That’s terrible for focus, shocking, I know. Drinking water will keep you hydrated which keeps your beautiful mind more alert. In addition, eat healthy snacks throughout the day. Not only is it healthy (doy, it has ‘healthy’ right in the title), it will get you up and away from your project for a few minutes. Give yourself that little space from your work. We’ll call these micro breaks. You deserve it. Now go eat an apple and slurp down 8 ounces of hydrating H20.

Break It Up

Friends, is there anything worse than walking into your messy house and just not knowing where to start? For me, that’s the quickest way to get me to do nothing at all. I succumb to overwhelm. However, if I just put a plan in place and tackle one room at a time, I’m fine. I’m like the queen of productivity.

Same with my blog. I have a pretty big to-do list when it comes to this project and it can feel very overwhelming at times. If I let it, my focus will be spread all over the place, like butter on bread, and I am pretty sure that is actually the opposite of focus. What is a gal to do??

Break that shizz up, yo!

Here are some ideas to help you:

-Make a list of your most pressing to-dos. Then, break those down into another list of smaller tasks that need to get done in order to accomplish the bigger task. When you get up in the morn decide which task(s) you are going to tackle. Everything else is put on the shelf for later. Gradually tick down that list within a list until your big “to-do” is complete. You can have a free to-do list printable if you click here!

After each task pat yourself on the back while you quietly say, “I’m a badass.” Because, guess what? You are.

-Set aside blocks of time. Just like me and my exercise, you can do anything for 20-30 minutes. Really, you can! We can call this, High Intensity Productivity Training (HIPT). An example from my playbook:

I need to get to producing some blog posts so I am going to sit down and write for 30 minutes. I’ll set a timer and within those 30 minutes I will not let my fingers leave my keyboard. No bathroom breaks, no water, and certainly no Facebook fer fooks sake.

As I re-read that it sounds menacing, but it’s not. It is a really effective mental tool. “30 minutes. I can totally do that!”

Try this, then pat yourself on the back and quietly tell yourself what a life slayer you are.

Cultivating the habits to train your mind to maintain focus

I just want to wrap up with this: I believe we live in a culture of instant gratification. We want to lose that belly fat now, so we buy some crazy weird fat burner. We want a million dollars in our account so we pay for some get rich quick scheme. We go into thousands of dollars of debt so we can have all those shiny new products RIGHT NOW.

Usually these things don’t work or we are just onto the next new thing so fast we haven’t even opened the product we just spent a couple bills on. I think we have taken this mentality and applied it to other areas of our lives as well. But it just doesn’t work.

We need to build a new foundation to truly create the life we long for. Really, not much in life comes easy. Some of these tips I’ve shared may seem time consuming but they are effective and have the ability to drastically change your life for the better. Put time into yourself. You are so worth it.

Be Plucky! Be you, because you are beautiful.

If you made it this far, congratulations!! Let me know some of your tricks for staying focused!

The Big Conundrum: Getting clear on what your dream life looks like

If you are anything like me, and I am guessing you are because you’re here, then you know very intimately what it feels like to be plugging through life without a holy clue as to what you want to do with it. Educated guess: I bet you want to stop drawing a big fat blank when you ponder what you want out of life. I know, I felt that way for a LONG time. The feeling came with it’s own cargo ship of negativity. There were a lot of times that I felt like maybe I was just a boring, passionless, mediocre gal, and that crushed me. Ya know?

Here we go

I have spent many years believing that there is something more for me. I have had an innate belief in myself but have deeply struggled with “my place”. For me, this particular journey has been about what I want to do with my life, in terms of a “career”. By nature, I am an unconventional soul. The nine to five life does not appeal to me and I am staunchly stubborn in this regard. Needless to say, I have spent many years as a waitress because, in my limited scope of possibilities, that was what fit. However, the question has always lurked, “is this all there is for me?” Is this really the way I want to spend this one life I have been blessed with?

The answer has always been a blaring, raucous, NO!

Getting clear on what that means has been a lot less cheerleadery though. It’s frustrating isn’t it? To believe you are meant for something uniquely you but having no actual crystal ball to show you what that something is. Believing that the blueprint to your dream life exists in some corner of your mind and you are the only one with the key to unlock it can be a very helpless feeling.

But seriously, what & how & can I do it???

I figured, if I am feeling this way, others must be too. Right?

I know so many people who are just doing what they think they should be doing, or started out in a career and now feel stuck, or are afraid of doing something new, and even if they mustered up the courage to change, what would they do?? This is the heartbeat of Plucky Broads. We ALL, the whole lot of us, have something to offer. (Yep, even you). Something that will feed our souls and in turn, feed the souls of those around us.

Getting clear on what our dream life looks like is not impossible, not by a long shot, but it does require commitment, effort, and intentional living.

Some practical tips for finding clarity…

Get yourself a soulzercise routine. (It’s jazzercise, but for the soul. No spandex required.)

Here’s a soulzercise grab bag for ya…

• Meditate

Five minutes at the beginning of your day, for starters. We all have an extra five minutes. Make it a habit. Check out this post I wrote for starting a meditation practice.

• The freedom to dream big act

Poof. I have officially granted you permission to dream. It’s not just for kids and it’s never too late. Write them down. If you’re having trouble getting started, use these prompts:

1. In terms of my financial state, I would like to…
2. It would be a dream come true if I could…
3. I would like my relationship with myself to grow in these ways…
4. If I could spend my time….I would be on cloud nine.

My own list was pretty vague but it was a place to start. This was all it entailed:

Help others

Incorporate writing

Make money

Be my own boss

Use my humor

Umm, okay..pretty murky, eh? But, I just sat with this list and trusted that deep down I knew how to turn that into something just for me. It’s helpful to get clear on what your core values are and align your dreams with them. I’ve created a handy Core Values Worksheet that you can have for free by clicking here.

• Believe in yo’self, yo!

I’ll say it again, believe in yourself! You are capable and worthy of an extraordinary life. Don’t limit what your life will be by talking all that shizz to yourself. Honest to god, it is the quickest way to crushing your dreams. Start rewiring your brain. (Note: It takes time.) Get into a routine of self-affirmations, and when you catch yourself sassin’ yourself, stop and say something nice in its stead. Write down your top five favorite mean things to say to yourself and then directly under them write the opposite.

For example-

This:

I am a loser with no direction.

Becomes:

I am extraordinary and unique with so much to offer the world.

Read these positive affirmations erryday. It starts to shift you. I promise.

Also, believe that everything you want and dream already exists! Do you want to be as rich as the queen you are? That money exists. Do you want to help endangered orangutans in Borneo? That job exists! So, when you start doubting the sanity of your dreams, just remember and believe that they already exist, in the actual world, right meow.

• The Law of Attraction

We’ve all heard this. It might even make you throw up a little bit. I’m not going to push The Secret on you, but I do believe that we are only as big as we allow ourselves to dream. If you can dream it, then you can create it. If you can’t dream it, how can you possibly create it?

• Understand what is holding you back and then let it go

For me…this was HY-UGE! I really believe that in the little corners of our souls, we already know what our purpose is, but all the mucky muck gets in there and blocks our access to it. By mucky muck, I am talking about shame. Understanding our shame is a super powerful tool. Shame is that extremely annoying (and powerful) voice that tells us we aren’t good enough, smart enough, loveable enough…Not ENOUGH.

I call bullshit.

Shame can stop us dead in our tracks. We need to see where shame is rearing it’s ugly head and strip it of it’s power. For me, a powerful way in which shame kept me tethered to mediocrity was this underlining thought, “I am foolish for believing that there is some greatness in me. I shouldn’t aim high because I am not good enough.”

Gaw-ly, Debbie Downer.

I honestly didn’t even realize this belief existed in me until I really started listening. The funny thing is, I really don’t believe this on a conscious level, but there it was, stinking up my worth.

A  flippin’ fantastic book to read regarding shame is Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I encourage you to read it.

• Practice patience

I know for me this is a tough one. When I get really bothered by the fact that I am not where I want to be, I hold on really tight to that information and I start forcing things. Relax. If you start following these steps, clarity will come, but you have to give it space to be seen and heard. I believe this is where mediation really comes in handy.

• Punch Fear in the Face!

For me, for you, for your children. Yea, yea, some fear is healthy. Like staying out of shark infested pools. Some is not. Like choosing not to shower because there is a tiny spider on the ceiling near the vicinity of the bathroom. Keeping yourself small because you don’t know what being the biggest bad assierist version of yourself will look like is in that same boat. (FREE hint: IT LOOKS AWESOME!!)

Wrap it up!

This is just a starting point. In the coming months I plan on delivering more in depth actionables. So, hang tight. Don’t wait for me though, start diving in. Just take one step in the direction of your dreams. That could be reading an inspiring book, or taking a class. It’s movement & that is must. Figuring out what you want starts with you. You are enough, Plucky Broad!

Let me know how you’re doing!!

So, you’re looking into beginning a meditation practice, huh?

Great idea, yo…and good news, you’ve come to the right place. Welcome to Meditation for Beginners 101.  I am a firm believer in developing a practice, it’s just good soul business, you know? If you’re wary because it sounds wildly new agey or too spiritual for you…don’t be! I am no Buddha (believe me!) What I mean is, anyone can meditate and reap the benefits. A good way to rethink meditation, if it seems a little too intimidating, is practicing mindfulness. Nothing wrong with that, right? Let’s get started.

First of all, why meditate?

Good question, smarty pants. Meditation has several science based reasons to give it a go. When practiced on a regular basis meditation has been shown to:

• Decrease anxiety and depression
• Decrease pain and inflammation
• Boost immune function
• Increase memory and attention
• Increase hap hap happiness!
• Develop intuition
• Increase clarity and focus
• Raise awareness

I mean, you can’t beat it; no pills, no expensive therapy, just you sitting down and breathing in and out quietly. That’s some Jedi mind trickery in action right there.

So what’s the catch?

You! You are the only catch. You just have to do it. Totally simple. Gah! It’s amazing how we as humans are so adept at standing in our own way. My suggestion, don’t overthink it. Just give yourself a few (A FEW!) extra minutes in the morning, or whenever you know you can have a quiet space, and do it. It doesn’t have to be intimidating and you don’t have to be these guys right out of the gate…

In fact, you won’t be. Your mind will not settle down and you’ll probably feel like you’re failing meditation, but you aren’t! Be nice to yourself, girl. The only way to fail meditation is to not meditate, or, *ahem, practice mindfulness.

Starting out

This part is going to be so simple it’s going to knock your socks right off! Get ready.

• Find yourself a quiet space. Honestly, you can throw the vision of sitting cross legged humming some Om’s out the window if you want. You can meditate on a walk, or a run, even in the shower. I suggest trying to do it seated, but you certainly don’t have to. Quiet space. 3-5 minutes. Bam!
• Yes, you read that right. Start out with a super small practice. 3-5 minutes. I like to set a timer just so I’m not constantly checking the clock.
• I am going to focus on a seated practice because I think it helps develop the habit, but again, you can practice mindfulness however you see fit. Have a seat, get comfy cozy, and relax. Set your gaze gently at the floor in front of you (or light a candle to focus on), or close your eyes.
• Breath in. Imagine the route that breath takes through your body. Breath out. Imagine that breath as it heads out into the world.
• When your mind starts wandering away, just take note and then draw your awareness back to your breath. Easy effin’ peasy.
• Incorporate a mantra if you’re feeling wild. A mantra is a word or sound repeated to aid concentration in meditation. I like this one from monk Thich Nhat Hanh,

“Breathing in, I relax my body … breathing out, I smile.”

That’s meditation in a nut shell

There are several different ways in which people practice meditation throughout the world, but for the purposes of this post, I decided to keep it simple. No reason to muddy the waters. It is a powerful tool, it’s free, and it can be life changing. I encourage you to start today! Over the course of your practice, start adding a little more time to it, but it never has to be a super time consuming event.

In this world, where everyone’s nose is constantly pressed to their smartphone (me included unfortunately), taking time to step away from that and go within is priceless.

Thanks for reading, you’re awesome and I appreciate you! Let me know how your practice is coming along, I would love to hear!

Are you interested in lending a hand to those less fortunate this holiday season? Good for you! I knew you were awesome!

If you’re looking for some ideas on where to start, you’ve come to the right place. I’ve compiled a list of volunteering and donating resources just for you. The holidays are an excellent time to give back– I suggest choosing something as a family and then spending time to reflect and give thanks after the experience.

There are a ton of ways you can pay it forward this season, yo! Check it out!

#GivingTuesday

Giving Tuesday is the Tuesday following Thanksgiving, it kind of kicks off the season of giving. This year that day is November 29th. Check out their website for some awesome ways to volunteer or donate in your community. I’m planning on a #givingtuesday Instagram challenge, so stay tuned.

Sponsor a family in need

So many families are struggling just to make ends meat, so giving their children a magical Christmas and a full belly is out of the question. Well, not so fast. There are ways you can help. Check out this site and adopt a family in need this season. You will be giving them a wonderful gift and letting them know that there are people who care.

Serve food at your local homeless shelter

This is always a crowd pleaser. It gets you and your family right in the heart of the homeless epidemic, humanizing those faces you drive by on your way to the grocery store. It’s a great way to learn about empathy and compassion, as well as, an opportunity to count your many blessings.  The National Coalition for the Homeless is a great place to start to see where you can help out in your community.

Give a gift to child in need

Toys for Tots is still going strong and is hugely popular with kids. You will see your own kids light up when they are able to feel responsible for giving a gift to another child. Just choose a card off the tree, normally located at your nearest mall, and go shopping for that item. Allow this to be a way to open up a conversation with your kids about those that have less than them.  It’s a beautiful way to teach them about the power of kindness. For more information on Toys for Tots in your area click here.

Donate to older foster youth

As someone who used to be a caseworker for kids between 13-18, this is something super close to my heart. These are the kids who often get over looked during the holidays. A great way to give to these kids is to look up your local Independent Living Program. This program is designed to help foster youth transition from foster care to the real world. You can also contact any foster care agency in your community. During the holidays these programs are always looking for donated gifts. Often a gift card and a few supplies that would be useful in their own (future) apartment (towels, linens, cookware, microwave) is the way to go. Even better if you can add an age appropriate personal touch for them to open.

Meals on Wheels

Meals on Wheels has been helping local seniors stay independent since it’s conception in Philadelphia in 1954. It is now in nearly every community across the United States! This program provides healthy meals to our aging neighbors and allows for them to socialize with the volunteers–a blessing to so many who live in isolation. Just go to their website and you can easily find your local chapter and sign up to volunteer.

Spend time with a senior

I read somewhere that around 50% of seniors in nursing homes and assisted living programs don’t receive any visitors. That is HEARTBREAKING!  This site is awesome for pointing you in the right direction if spending time with a senior is up your alley. I think this is another great thing to do with children, and could really make all the difference this Christmas to a lonely senior.

Okay

There is a starting point for you. I hope you decide on something that speaks to your heart on how you can give back this season. So many people are in need of some love and kindness. Are you the one that will provide that to them? Someone out there is hoping so. 🙂

Bonus:

Lending your heart to those less fortunate is proven to combat depression and increase happiness. Woah! You really can’t lose!

Let me know how you plan to pay it forward this holiday season.

Head into the Holidays with a Plan and your Sanity will thank you

Before going bonkers and saying yes to every invitation for Christmas parties, caroling sessions, walk-a-thons, Hanukkah celebrations, play dates, and booking up every nook and cranny of your holiday, take time to decide what you want your holiday season to look like. I know, *gasp* right? Making this season about you (and your immediate family) is so selfish. Not so! If you have a plan in place, it will be easier to graciously turn down the events or activities that don’t fit into it.  Don’t go in blind, people!

Here are some things you should consider when making your ho-ho-holiday “stay sane plan”:

Commit to not Over Committing

You are allowed to say no. Get this–even to family. If you are saying yes to everything and everyone when you really want to say no, resentment will grow, and honestly, you’re not fooling anyone. Get really clear on the difference between desire and obligation. Yes, of course, sometimes we are going to have to do things we really don’t want to do, but that should be the exception, not the rule. If your extended family is a stress trigger for you, limit your time with them. Practice saying no and letting go of the guilt surrounding it. If you are saying yes to the events that you genuinely want to be at, the authenticity of that decision will be palpable. Quality over quantity. You will get more out of this holiday season.

Schedule in Exercise

It’s easy to get so busy during the holidays that we forget to take time to take care of ourselves. Schedule in some time to get outside; take a walk, go for a jog, hit a yoga class, whatever it is you enjoy that gets your muscles activated and your heart beating a little faster. Exercise is shown to reduce your levels of stress hormones AND stimulate your feel good hormones. It’s a win/win.

Take Time for Yourself

If you tend to feel like you’re being pulled in twenty different directions during the holidays, be intentional about pulling yourself out of the chaos. Breath deep. Everything will not fall apart if you excuse yourself to have a nice long soak with a glass of wine. Set a new standard with your family, that everyone, including you, gets to enjoy the season of joy.

Be Conscious About Staying Present

My suggestion is to take a minute at the beginning of your day to set an intention of being in the moment throughout the day. It’s so easy to think ten steps ahead and start stressing out about everything you still need to get done, the grocery shopping, gift shopping, tree decorating, present wrapping, meal preparation. Being in the moment automatically pushes those worries out of your head. Whenever you find yourself freaking out about all that’s left to do, take a breath, look around and give thanks. The holidays aren’t about all the ‘stuff’, they are about family, love, connection, and gratitude. Remember that in moments of stress.

Schedule Gift Shopping

I don’t know about your town, but the mall and anywhere near the mall in Boise during the weeks leading up to Christmas, is an effing NIGHTMARE. Save yourself the anxiety and road rage. Take a morning off of work and go early before the swarms come. Better yet, shop online!

Keep a Bottle of Jameson in Your Purse at All Times

Am I right? Probably not. I just thought this was funny.

Make the Decision to Enjoy Yourself!

Laugh, play games you enjoy, eat the foods you like, hang with people you love. Commit to having a good time! You can do it! You should do it! Happy Holidays!!

Do you have any other stay sane suggestions? Let us know! Please.

‘Tis the Season Plucky Broads!

I know, I know, the season that awaits is supposed to be rife with joy, gratitude and jolly belly laughter, but let’s be honest. For a lot of people the holidays turn into one mandatory event after another; work parties, family dinners, at least 3 Friendsgivings, secret Santa, shopping (for that perfect gift…or 700 of them), ugly sweater soiree’s, fruitcake cook offs. It’s easy to get caught up in it all until one day you realize you CAN’T wait for the holidays to be over already! What gives? This time of year is meant to be joyful but we often become downright miserable. First world problems, poundsignamirite? Let’s work on changing that this year (and keep it rolling all year), shall we? Here are some easy ways to cultivate that ever elusive joy in the weeks to come.

1) PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Like, everyday. I’m saying ‘practice’ for a reason folks. Gratitude doesn’t always come naturally, especially when your life is looking like the day after you threw a party for four that turned into a party of 90.  Make it a habit anyway. I like to mutter what I’m grateful for while walking to the coffee shop in the morning. Sure, I look like a crazy person, but it starts my day off on the right foot. It’s hard to be pissed about the dishes still in the sink, or worrying about my bank account when I’m focusing on the aspects of my life that I’m truly grateful for. Gratitude allows joy to bloom. It’s the sunshine to a petunia. Do it.

2) BRING GRATITUDE TO THE DINNER TABLE

If it sounds like I’m beating a dead horse, take a hint. Gratitude is key. It changes your perspective. Start a family ritual. Every year at my family Thanksgiving some do-gooder inevitably asks us to go around and say what we’re thankful for. All of us, (except the asker) shift uncomfortably in our seats, and curse the asker under our breaths. My older brother has a terrifically honed ‘sigh of disapproval’ he employs. EVERY YEAR. Why? Because we haven’t made it a practice to share with each other what we are grateful for, and it feels vulnerable, and feeling vulnerable is the worst when you’re about to feel really good, followed by really bad, by stuffing your face full of turkey and stuff. If we made it a daily, or even a weekly, family practice, it would be second nature. Joy cultivation. Boom. Check out my post on developing an attitude for gratitude.

3) GO PLAY!

Is there something you love to do but just ‘don’t have the time’? Make time! You can do it. You need to do it.  Your family will thank you and I’m betting you will thank you. Are you a movie nut? See what movies are playing and go see the one you want to see. Love being out in nature? Go do that! Breath some fresh air, skip, talk to yourself-all the crazy cool people are doing it. Live music your thing? Find some, go see it, DANCE. Yes, exactly, like no one is watching. Haven’t picked your flute up in 20 years? Pick that flute up, girl! Whatever it is, allow yourself some unapologetic playtime. It’s not just for kids.

4) PUT ON YOUR MEDITATION CAP

I’ve been really getting into this one. Dare I say, I love it. I haven’t even had any out of body, woo-woo moments, I just love…stopping. There are some great guided meditations on YouTube, or you can just get yourself all cozy, light a candle and shut down that grey matter of yours for a spell. Okay, it’s not like there is a circuit breaker you can switch, your brain will still be all over the place, but it’s worth it. (And, it’s a practice) I like to think of meditation the same way I think of high intensity interval training. Fitness experts say, if you work out with HIIT your body continues to burn calories more efficiently and for longer than if you were to just get on the treadmill and pound out an hour of running at a steady pace. Same with meditation, the effects continue to spill over long after the meditation is over. It’s a work out for your soul. Joy can’t resist itself when meditation joins the party. They fit together like Kanye and what’s her name.

5) PAY ATTENTION TO THE GOOD THINGS

Stop, put down your phone and look around you. It’s amazing how many people are going through their lives with their eyes glued to a five inch screen (myself included). We are truly missing out on so much. There is so much goodness around us. Take a break. We are obnoxious! Try leaving that little gizmo behind every once in awhile (Eek! Keep breathing, you’ll live.) Instead, use that time to do some quality people watching. I can almost guarantee you will witness some interaction that leaves you smiling. It’s called being present, my good people. I know you’ve heard it before, but it’s why children are such great teachers for us in the pursuit of all things joyful. Presence. Enter joy stage left.

6) SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH A GOOD FRIEND 

We are a species that needs connection. We need it. So, connect. Get together with a good friend and really catch up. Like, send the small talk packing and get real. (note: I’m not saying you need to get thuper therious. Just real) Simple. Elaboration unnecessary me thinks. If you can’t get together because geography has it out for you, make a phone call. I am a sucker for my friendships and joy just bursts through my ears when I connect in meaningful ways with them.

7) FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, GIVE STRESS A REST

I’m just gonna shoot straight with you here, stress is not a good look on you. So send it off to hang out with small talk. Life is too short to be all tied up in stress. You may think it’s like a rope that is coiled around you, making it impossible for you to move, but it’s really just silly string. Wipe it off. Joy is stifled under the intense stare of stress. Oil and vinegar, baby. Take some deep breaths and take one step at a time. And while you’re at, be gracious with yourself.

8) LOOK UP LAUGHTER ON PINTEREST (ALSO…LAUGH)

Seriously. Do this. If this doesn’t bring a smile to your face and joy to your heart then we need to go a lot deeper than just this one blog post. I’m not kidding, this is gold. What’s better than a picture of someone laughing? I’ll tell you. It’s a bunch of pictures of people laughing all in one magical place called Pinterest. Don’t stop there though, figure out a way to get some laughter into your day. What makes you laugh every time? Get yourself some of that. YouTube is a good place for funny videos. Try that if you’re stumped.

BONUS:

ENGAGE IN ACTS OF KINDNESS

Genuinely smile at a stranger. Make an effort to remember someone’s name. Pay someone a compliment. There are literally hundreds of small things you can do everyday. Sprinkle that kindness. It has a way of coming back to you. Like pollen.

Okay! That’s it. The Joy Cultivation Project can now commence. Thank you for reading all the way to the end. Now, go get yo’self some JOY pie!

What are ways you cultivate joy in your life? Let me know.

1) Make a daily habit of listing what you’re grateful for.

If you like to journal, write them down. If not, intentionally pull what you’re thankful for into focus. Smile while you’re listing these things. For me, smiling makes me really feel that gratitude deep in my heart parts.

Coffee, indoor plumbing, clean socks, mattresses, Autumn. I think you’ll find that it is exceedingly easy to come up with things to be grateful for, even if you’re having a bad day. Honestly, there’s no better time to show gratitude than when you are feeling down. It just lifts you up.

2) Let someone know what they mean to you.

We all have people in our lives that we are thankful for. Reach out. Send a card to a friend letting them know what they mean to you when it’s not even their birthday. Can you imagine?  How about an influential teacher of yore? Look them up on Facebook and send them a message letting them know they made a difference.

3) Say please and thank you often.

All too often we become so busy (or self absorbed) we forget to take the one second of time it takes to say, “please” or “thank you”. Take that one second of time, friends. As a human who has worked in the service industry for a LONG time, believe me, it matters. It will also have that handy effect of being mirrored back to you. Be grateful and kind and you will attract gratitude and kindness. The world is a better place when you say those two words. Please. Thank you!

4) Be present.

Be intentional about this, because goshdarnit, it can be hard to do. Instead of pining over what you don’t have, be grateful for what you have right now. Try to incorporate this into a daily habit. You’re not just going to magically become a person that always lives in the moment and that’s okay! What you can do is setup a daily reminder on your phone that says ‘it’s time to be present, (insert your name here). Then do it, right in that moment.

5) Breath in, and then, Breath out.

Aren’t lungs just the best? Deeply breath in that glorious O2 and allow that rhythm to lead the pace of your day. Slow down, smell the roses. Listen to those birds sing, for the love!

6) Connect with yourself.

Meditate, get a manicure, read that book…something just for you. Taking time for yourself is essential. If you don’t, resentment begins to take up all of gratitude’s space. Which, is rude and kinda ugly. You deserve to pamper yourself.

Do you have different ways that you practice gratitude? I would love to hear them! Write a comment below.